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❝Hi, this is Arthur Pendragon's phone. Leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Ta.❞

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That's all I needed to know.

Good. Now tell me why.

If it's good enough for a perfect guy like you, then it's good enough.

I'm not perfect, Merlin. And how on Earth did you go from watching cartoons and porn to worrying about your cock?

you're perfect to me. and my singing voice is rubbish and bluebirds would never flock around me. that's the other thing i learned.

You're a besotted fool. And forget the bluebirds, they're pests anyway. I'll hang around you, though.

will you bring a pizza? and i'll find out that i've lost my wallet and offer to pay you with my body instead.

sorry. too much porn.

If you were randy you could've always called, you know. Contrary to popular belief I don't mind stopping by to help.

i can't let you see what i watch, you'd break up with me.

As long as it's not animals or children I think I'll probably manage.

yeah, not that disgusting.

Good, then let's never think about it again.

Although now I'm curious. What do you watch?

erm. films. very artistic films that may or may not feature fucking machines.

How do you fuck a machine?

think it's more like the machine fucks you.

And you call it 'artistic'.

The lighting's really nice.

I'm sure it is. And yes, by the way - I do think you're utterly peculiar.